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“There are so many babies that need to be adopted in South Africa.” Is this true? And if so why is there not a lot of adoptions taking place in our country?

In South Africa reference is often made to how hard it is to adopt, or to the 1000’s of children needing care or families. There is no doubt that children found in need of care is a serious social challenge in our country.  However, as Arise we believe that it is vital to know and understand the full context before decisions and conclusions are made. So then where does one start to wade through the facts and myths that permeate conversations in different spaces?

We’ve put together the 7 common myths or assumptions about adoption in South African that come to us either through workshops or conferences; and provided the facts for you.  Hopefully this will help as you navigate adoption related conversations.

1. Myth: There are thousands of children without parents needing to be adopted.

Fact:  South Africa has a population of about 20 million children under the age of 18.  400 000 of these children are identified as being in alternative care – whether foster care or Child and Youth Care centres. However this does not mean that they are adoptable.  Many are in the system and will return to their families when it is safe to do so. Statistics suggest that on average 1 400 adoptions are processed a year and of these, two thirds are kinship or familial adoptions – where the child remains in their biological family. This means we need to recognise that families are in crisis and need help, not that there are thousands of babies in need of permanency.

2. Myth: It is possible to adopt a newborn baby in South Africa.

Fact:  Newborn babies, in terms of South African law, are not adoptable until their biological family have been given the opportunity to change their minds within the 60- or 90-day period.  While the trauma of being separated from their biological family and placed is care is very real, so too is the ethical challenge to ensure that children and prospective adoptive parents are protected. During the period that a biological family has to confirm that they are relinquishing any right to parenting, it is best practice to ensure no undue pressure is put on the biological family and they are free to change their minds. This is the reason for temporary safe care placements between relinquishment and adoption. 

3. Myth: All biological mothers who make an adoption plan do so because they can’t parent their baby/child and if adequate support was given, they would parent their child.

Fact:    Many biological mothers choose adoption for various reasons, such as financial instability, lack of support, or personal circumstances. Providing adequate support can often help them in parenting their child, but a lack of resources or support is not always the sole reason for choosing adoption.  Some mothers or families will cite the need to know that they can care in the long term for a child while others are making a conscious choice that they do not want to be a parent at this point in their lives.

4. Myth: Adoptions are closed in South Africa and the law doesn’t make allowances for any form of contact until the child is 18.

Fact: In South Africa, open adoptions are allowed as long as there is mutual consent from the biological family, adoptive family, and professionals who determine that it is in the best interests of the child. This means that there is no known risk of danger – physical or emotional to the child and that the biological family, adoptee and adoptive family have clear and honest expectations. Open adoptions can provide ongoing communication, without necessarily being about contact between the birth parents and the adoptive family, allowing for a more transparent and connected relationship for the benefit of the child.  This also allows the child to have a connection with their heritage and roots.

5. Myth: The younger a child is when adopted, the less likely there is to be behavioural challenges when they are older.

Fact: While early adoption can have benefits in terms of attachment and bonding, it does not guarantee the absence of behavioural challenges in the future. Things such as exposure to trauma, drugs, alcohol and genetics will influence a child’s developmental trajectory. Regardless of the age at which a child is adopted, there will be tasks that adoptive parents need to be mindful of to support their children as they mature and develop through life.

6. Myth: Culture doesn’t matter. Once a child is yours, you shape everything about that child:

Fact: While adoptive parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s upbringing and environment, it’s important to acknowledge the child’s constitutional right to their roots and heritage. Culture in the South African context is often linked to racial identity too and while we might wish that the world wasn’t race conscious or that race doesn’t matter, we are reminded daily that it does.  Additionally, developing a positive racial identity requires conscious intent and deliberate action on the part of the adoptive parents.

7. Myth: Children only need to be told their story when they ask.

Fact: Children need their parents to give permission to ask for more information about their story without feeling conflicted about doing so.   This requires that adoptive parents understand that they are custodians of their child’s origin and birth story.  Helping children understand their full story before they enter the teens is critical to supporting their development.

These are only a few of the statements made in wider adoption spaces. There are many more.  As Arise, we believe that every child belongs in a thriving family and should be afforded the opportunity to reach their full potential.  It is why we acknowledge the need to look at family preservation as well as family strengthening, regardless of how families are formed. 

If you have more questions or want to dig deeper into what adoption in South Africa is about, consider accessing our free webinar on Trauma in Adoption as well as exploring other adoption related self-paced courses such as Looking In (a great starting point!).

In the diverse landscape of South Africa, parents often find themselves navigating the intricate balancing act inherent in giving our children freedom and protecting them from harm. For some of us this is harder than for others, depending on our environment, where we live and the landscape (both physical and political) around us. And in the midst of our struggle, our kids seem to be paying the price as they grow. As an NGO committed to supporting families, Arise recognizes the profound impact of environmental factors on child development and how they shape the trajectory of our children’s lives. At the heart of it, is the fundamental human right to safety, yet that is not always the truth for all of us.

Human rights serve as the cornerstone of a just and equitable society. In South Africa, a country with a rich history of overcoming adversity, the struggle for human rights has been central to its narrative. From the fight against apartheid to ongoing efforts to promote social justice, the notion of universal rights forms the bedrock of our collective aspirations. Yet for many families, their basic human rights to water, shelter, education, health and to provide for themselves, continue to be undermined and is inextricably harder to achieve than for others. This impacts all of us, but perhaps our children who are growing up in these unjust environments most of all.

Beyond the confines of legislation and policy, the environment in which children grow up plays a pivotal role in shaping their identities and experiences. Our surroundings encompass not only physical spaces but also cultural, socioeconomic, and familial contexts. From the vibrancy of urban centers to the tranquility of rural landscapes, each environment leaves an indelible mark on the young minds that inhabit them. Yet when you are surrounded by violence, disregard for human life, hunger and abuse; what sort of brains are we building?

Children are not passive recipients of their surroundings; rather, they actively engage with and are influenced by the world around them. Consider the child growing up in a community marked by poverty and social exclusion. Their access to education, healthcare, and basic amenities may be compromised, impeding their ability to realize their full potential. Conversely, a child raised in an environment characterized by inclusivity, support, and opportunity is more likely to thrive and flourish. This past Human Rights Day, let’s consider that perhaps our children are responding to the environments they are being raised in and look towards what we can do to change that.

At the same time, can we recognize the resilience our children already have and help them grow it? Can we teach them practical skills to help them solve the conflicts and problems they face in ways that are respectful but assertive? Can we be the relationship in our child’s life that shows them their inherent worth? Can we show our kids how to advocate for themselves, by advocating for change?

You see, we work with many children at-risk in our most violent communities in Cape Town, and yet, we see the fullness of their story. Not just an angry teenage boy getting involved in drugs and gangs or a young teenage girl falling pregnant. But rather a boy whose life has been tough from the get go-born to a drug addicted mother passed from family member to family member and struggling to fit in and yet, he chooses to come to school. He is a leader among his peers and has the potential to turn risky behaviour to behaviour that helps him flourish. That pregnant teenage girl is a girl who is struggling with low self-esteem and is a young girl who has way too much responsibility at home for a young girl but found love and affection with a young boy who gave her what she so desperately craves. And yet, despite it all she still wants a better life for her and her unborn child. She is so creative, nurturing and has the potential to be the next graphic designer but needs more support.

At Arise, we know as parents, guardians, and caregivers, we play a pivotal role in shaping the environments in which our children grow. By modelling healthy communication, recognizing the inherent rights of our children, treating them with dignity and respect, strengthening our relationship with them and creating as nurturing an environment as we can in our sphere of influence, we create an ecosystem that fosters their holistic development. Moreover, by advocating for policies and practices that prioritize the well-being of children, we pave the way for a more equitable society for future generations.

At Arise, we are committed to empowering parents and caregivers to create environments where children can thrive. Through our programs and initiatives, we strive to deepen relationships, build resilience, nurture strengths, grow problem solving skills and develop a sense of belonging. Part of this is advocating for policies that safeguard the rights of children. By working together, we can build a brighter future for all South African children, where their rights are respected, and their potential is unleashed.

Written by Robyn Jacobs

The common topic of conversation for most families currently is the cost of living- how does one afford groceries, fuel, school fees, clothes? How do we survive when most of the working class is living month-to-month? Life is hard and getting harder. With 55% of South Africans living under the poverty line and 25% of South Africans facing very real food insecurities, implications of these existing challenges can easily appear overwhelming. 

Poverty is more than just a lack of financial resources; it encompasses a web of interconnected issues including limited access to education, healthcare, and employment opportunities. For families living in poverty, the constant struggle to make ends meet takes a toll on their mental well-being. The stress of not knowing where the next meal will come from or how to afford basic necessities can lead to anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness.

Food insecurity exacerbates the challenges faced by vulnerable families, particularly in a world where the cost of living continues to rise. Many households in South Africa struggle to put food on the table, leading to malnutrition and its detrimental effects on physical and mental health, especially among children. The anxiety of going to bed hungry and the shame associated with relying on food aid further compound the psychosocial burden on families.

Migration adds another layer of complexity to the lives of vulnerable families. Whether forced by conflict, economic hardship, or environmental factors, migration disrupts social networks and support systems, leaving families feeling isolated and disconnected. The trauma of leaving behind familiar surroundings, coupled with the uncertainty of the future, can have long-lasting effects on mental health, particularly among children who may struggle to adapt to their new environment.

How then do we respond to this? In the face of these challenges, it is crucial for individuals to come together and support vulnerable families in our communities. While the cost of living may be tough for many of us, there are still meaningful ways we can make a difference.

Firstly, from a place of empathy.  When empathy is the starting point, it shifts stats and numbers back into being ‘real people’.  Rather than 55 % of South Africa, we are able to see this as 30 million people – who each have their own life story, stomach/ stomachs to feed and relationships to navigate while living with very real challenges.   When we see people, in the spirit of Ubuntu, as people who help us become people, it means that we can relate from a place of as a person, this is what might matter to me in this situation? It provokes the question of what we can do practically, where we are, in response to the need.

One of the potential possibilities to influence this in the South African landscape is to explore a universal basic income grant, rather than the existing disparity between different grant provisions – something that February 2024’s podcast explores.   A basic income grant, gives back personal agency, allowing people to make a choice. Policy and its practical implications is one significant way to build a bridge between resourced and vulnerable communities. It’s an election year this year – choosing where to make your cross, is one way you can use your vote to support vulnerable families.

Lastly, choosing a response might involve choosing an organisation that responds to the needs of vulnerable families in your community, or facilitating access to training and support for organisations working with vulnerable families. Choosing a specific focus where you would like to support vulnerable families is one way that we can make a difference in the day to day lives of others.

At Arise we have seen this play out in our family strengthening groups, in our training and consulting spaces where community workers are trained to respond the needs of children and families from a trauma informed and strengths-based approach – which in turn empowers people to make different choices.  We have seen this in primary school children who were at risk of dropping out of school and joining a gang but are now role models in their year; we have seen this in families where the psychosocial support and resilience tools that parents were taught in family strengthening groups enabled them to sign up for skills training with a view to future employment. Two families whose stories look different because of access to resources which empowered different problem-solving skills and thus alternative choices.

On our own we can’t do much to change the very real reality of people suffering under the weight of poverty, however building bridges for vulnerable families in South Africa requires collective action and compassion. Together, let us work towards a future where every child and family has the opportunity to thrive, regardless of the challenges they may face.

Written by the Arise Team.

We are in the second week of schools starting up again, and at the same time we have seen stories of joy this past week as matriculants particularly those who have had to overcome many obstacles celebrate their massive milestones. However, though we can celebrate theses amazing achievements of these learners-we still have to dig deeper into the real reality of education in South Africa.

The reality is that when we dig deeper into the statistics- it truly shows another reality, a reality that if not addressed we will be in serious issues in years to come. When you look at the 82.9% pass rate this year-it does not take into account the high dropout rates– which then unveils that the matric pass rate is far lower compared to other years. That’s because from over 1.2 million learners starting grade 1 in 2012, only 691 000 learners wrote their matric exams.

This is a dire picture and the very reality we see on the ground as Arise. And yet, we know that there is hope in this country and when there is hope this becomes an essential thread for addressing these challenges.

As an NGO, Arise, stands at the forefront of a transformative movement of strengthening families, working alongside resilient school communities to overcome obstacles and break barriers that hinder the pursuit of education for all.

Challenges in South African Schools:

As South Africans we are very aware that schools grapple with multifaceted challenges, from low literacy rates and overwhelmed teachers to high pregnancy rates among students. In areas marked by high violence, the risk of children dropping out of school looms large. Despite these adversities, there are stories of inspiration—principals, leaders, and remarkable teachers going above and beyond to create nurturing learning environments.

This is the hope we hold onto that when we shine a light on these amazing schools then we too can have a ripple effect throughout the country. However, we should not be ignoring the very real realities that educators are struggling with because many educators are also leaving the field as they do not have the support, skills or knowledge to deal with some very serious behaviours and social ills that are affecting them all-making schools not a safe space to be in for both the educators and the learners.

The Call for Support:

Recognizing the commendable efforts of these schools and the amazing principals and educators doing the best they can with what they have, Arise advocates for a collaborative approach to education. The challenges are immense, but the potential for positive change is equally significant.

Arise envisions a partnership model that involves corporates, small businesses, and anyone willing to contribute their resources, expertise, and influence to strengthen schools, not only in mainstream education but also in schools of trade and skills development.

Educators need wellness support not only upskilling on education focused programmes but also on mental health, self-care, medical support and financial support too. When we take care of educators needs  we will be able to retain Our learners and families need the psychosocial educational support starting as young as possible. Psychosocial support is not only counselling or focused on life skills but a place where children and families feel seen, heard and validated but also given practical skills in their context that they can use and see a difference for their lives.

The saying goes, “you can’t teach a hungry child.” But Arise also says, “You can’t teach children in a state of heighten trauma.”

Supporting Alternative Paths:

In underserved communities, education should not be confined to traditional classrooms alone. Arise acknowledges the diverse talents and potential of young people and seeks to support alternative paths to sustainability. The reality is that many of our children should be in alternative education such a school of skills and we believe that resources need to be guided there. Many of our children because of their starting point in life (early exposure to substance abuse in utero to violence in the home etc) their brain has be rewired and their abilities are different to those in a mainstream school.

By fostering partnerships with businesses, we should aim to create opportunities for skill development, empowering youth to sustain themselves through avenues beyond conventional academic pursuits. We need youth that are able to enter the workforce confidentilty no matter what skills and knowledge they have. We need youth that are able to critically think, use initiatives and adapt the changes within the workforce.

Arise’s Inclusive Approach:

An inclusive approach to education should seek to accommodate the diverse needs of all children, regardless of their abilities, backgrounds, or challenges. Creating an inclusive education system requires a multifaceted and proactive strategy. We need to be looking at policy & legislation, ongoing professional development for educators and those involved in the sector, relook at our curriculum, improved facilities and resources (such as all schools should have a library), and most importantly, each child who cannot be in a mainstream school should have an individual education plan on how they will leave ready for the workforce.

Arise is committed to being part a tangible change and impact on South African schools by addressing the root causes of some of these challenges. We believe that we need to increase caregiver involvement for deep impact, recognizing the vital role families play in a child’s educational journey.

Moreover, Arise is dedicated to supporting teachers in understanding continuous trauma, fostering felt safety, and promoting mental health in the classroom. This is because schools become a microcosm of what we see in the outer communities. This is vital on understanding that healthy relationships between educators, learners and caregivers are essential in helping address some of the issues we see. However, this cannot be done without empathy.

Partnerships for Progress:

The partnership model advocated by Arise extends beyond financial contributions. It involves leveraging the expertise and resources of businesses to enhance school infrastructure, provide mentorship programs, and facilitate skills development initiatives. By forging these partnerships, we strive to create a network of support that empowers schools to navigate and overcome the complex challenges they face. The question would be, how are you going to get involved?

Conclusion:

In the pursuit of education for all, Arise believes that all children should be given the opportunity to reach their full potential in a thriving environment. Therefore, we are advocating for collaborative efforts that break down barriers in South African schools. The challenges may be daunting, but the resilience of communities, coupled with strategic partnerships, holds the promise of transformative change. By fostering a shared commitment to education, Arise envisions a future where every child has the opportunity to learn, grow, and contribute to the vibrant tapestry of South Africa’s success. Together, we can build a foundation for a brighter tomorrow!

For those who do not know me, I am a rugby nut…I have loved the game since I was a little girl with my family and I still remember being a little girl on my dad’s shoulders running down the street celebrating the 1995 World Cup. At the time, I didn’t as a young child realise the significance of us winning the cup- the hope it brought to a nation that had been divided for so long, the hope it brought many to see a black president hold up the cup with a white rugby leader and the message it gave to all those watching.  

Fast Forward to 2023, and again the winning of the trophy brought tears to me eyes, as I watched player after player that was being interviewed relay the message that they played for the love of the game but also for the 62 million South Africans supporting them- they did it to bring us hope.

After the high of seeing the Springboks hold up the trophy and eventually putting the kids to bed, I couldn’t go to sleep. I kept watching replays, watching the post game interviews and I started to reflect on what I have learnt while watching the 2023 Rugby World Cup and here’s what I have learnt from the Springbok Spirit:

1. Perseverance: How many times did we think we were about to loose? The last 3 games were tough but watching the team continue to defend, continue to adapt to what is in front of them was so inspiring. We won by one point and yes, commentators would think that it is not good enough but what I saw was a team who never gave up. Kept the hope alive and showed that they could deliver despite difficult circumstances.
2. Teamwork: What I love about the Springboks is everyone knows their role, and when it was your turn to show up-you show up and give it your all.  We saw it when Handre Pollock came in, when Ox Nche came in for the scrums. Each of them knew their role, each other’s strengths and weaknesses, learning from each other, supporting and encouraging each other. They worked hard on their plan, communicated well on the field and pushed together when the going got tough.
3. Diversity: Every player has a story that brought them to the team, each of them different, each of them celebrated and brings strength to the team because of it. Siya Kolisi said it best, “Our differences are our strength as a nation and as a team.” The team also reflects the story of so many South Africans from passionate schoolboy rugby players to a rural boy’s dream to play to a boy on the Cape Flats striving for success to a boy who lost family members to one day have a whole country to call family. The Springboks show that each person’s story matters, each person’s background, language and belief matters because that is the fullness of who they are.
4. Respect: Respect for each other but also respect for who they are playing against. After every game listening to both the coaches and players commend the teams that they played against is something to be admired. Even when those teams weren’t very friendly to us we kept our heads high and focused on their strengths as competitors. A moment that stood out for me is after we played Tonga, how we came together to pray and acknowledge Tonga’s hard journey into the world tournament and an amazing tough 80 minutes it was.
5. Empathetic Leadership: Rassie Erasmus and Jacques Neinabauer are amazing strategists and have been innovative with the game, but it wouldn’t be possible to implement if they didn’t gain the trust of the players. One could see that the players trust the coaches with their lives and part of that is that they got to know each player and their story and what they needed to be stretched, comforted and to develop as strong players, and this has been role modeled in Siya Kolisi who does the same on the field.
6. One caring person can change someone’s life: Learning about each player’s story many of their stories such as Siya Kolisi and Makazole Mapimpi are miraculous stories as South Africans playing on the world stage. But it is evident to why Arise works the way we do- we believe that one caring adult can change the trajectory of a child’s life-be it a parent, a teacher, a coach someone who keeps motivating and creating a nurturing environment where a child feels safe and so that they can take risks to succeed and thrive.
7. Resilience: The Springboks were the underdog yet again in the World Cup and on top of that we faced many challenges. It is safe to say the Springboks had one of the hardest paths to the final- with the pool of death (facing Ireland and Scotland), then the hosts-France who were aiming to win on home ground, and then England. The game against England brought it’s on own challenges with the European media focusing on the allegations of racism again Bongi Mbonambi the week before the final.Then the final when Bongi was injured within 3 min of the game and then Siya Kolisis and Cheslin Kobe with a yellow card…it was brutal. But they learnt to adapt, problem-solve, implement new plans and a never give up attitude.
8. Role Model: Safe to say that Siya Kolisi is one of the biggest role models to all in South Africa- his love for his teammates, his competitors, the game, the supporters and mostly for the country he represents is evident. But the whole team are role players to all of us as adults but also to our young boys and girls who watch in awe. My eight-year-old son after watching the final said, “Mommy, they really didn’t give up they kept going, I don’t know if I can.”
9. Continuous Improvement: There’s always room for growth. Again, I am a bit of a rugby nut so watching post interviews it is humbling to hear Jacque Nienabauer say, ‘please don’t call us geniuses, we are not we try something and see if it works if it doesn’t we improve the best we can.”  The Springboks knows that even with the win there needs to be an improvement in dominating the game rather than always playing catch up.
10. Faith: Faith in each other, faith in their abilities and faith in what they have prepared for but most importantly, putting their faith in God who brought them to this point. It is no surprise to many to see the team praying before and after acknowledging that there is something bigger than them.

Though the Springboks have inspired us, I do agree with Penuel The Black Pen who wrote: “It is unfair of us ordinary South Africans to keep demanding the Springboks to give us hope through their victories, when we don’t meet them halfway.”  So, we need to take what the Springboks have shown us and apply it in every way possible so that we can make South Africa a great country because we have the potential to do it.  I hope as our President Cyril Ramaphosa raised the trophy that he too can bring these lessons into our current government so we can apply this to our handling our education crisis, energy crisis, crime and violence, unemployment issues and so on.

So that next time we win the World Cup our players can stop saying “there are so many problems in South Africa and we do it to bring them hope” but rather…”we have come through so much as a country, we want to show everyone else in the world that there is hope.”

But for me, as the director of Arise I constantly think about how we can motivate and inspire the families and children that we work with who are in our most high risk and violent communities in the Western Cape and where hope is waning.  The Springbok winning the World Cup brings practical lessons that they too can learn in their own lives. That unfortunately, we cannot get rid of our problems or the adversity we face- we need to show up and work through it. They can draw on the importance of working together, adapting, problem-solving, having and being one caring adult to a child who needs it, having and being a role model and having empathy for each other so that we can build and create that sense of belonging for all.

For me the 10 learnt lessons from above, bring us back to our five main pillars that is a firm foundation in all our programmes as an organization:

1. Deepening relationships
2. Nurturing strengths
3. Growing problem-solving skills
4. Building resilience
5. Develop a sense of belonging for all

As we ride the high wave of being World Champions, may you bring the Springbok spirit into your lives as a South African and to remember that we are Stronger Together.

Written by Danielle Moosajie (Director of Arise)

This past Sunday we celebrated Heritage Day in South Africa, though for us Capetonians our day was poured out due to the storm so not much braaing done on this side of the country. Heritage Day on the 24^th September holds particular importance in South Africa’s post-apartheid as it’s aims to promote unity, cultural diversity, and inclusivity within the nation.

I was reminded of this as we are doing diversity training in more affluent local schools in the city about why the importance of heritage and understanding your roots is vital particularly for children of colour in not only understanding themselves but feeling confident in who they are.

As Arise we have spent the last 14 years speaking on the importance of identity in adoption, however this is so true for every child. Every child to know where they come from, to feel proud of their background and to know and understand others as well. Because when we know who we are and feel good about ourselves then we are then open to learning about others and accepting them for who they are.

Identity is a complex interplay of factors that shape who we are as individuals. Among these factors, our heritage and roots play a pivotal role in grounding us and helping us understand our place in the world. For children who are not being raised by their biological families, the need to connect with their heritage becomes even more significant. In this blog, we will explore why heritage and roots are essential for a child’s identity, particularly for those growing up in non-biological family settings. We will also provide practical tips for caregivers and children to foster this vital connection.

The Significance of Heritage and Roots

Understanding one’s heritage provides a deep sense of belonging. It helps children feel connected to a larger community, whether that’s a cultural, ethnic, or familial group. This belongingness contributes to a stable sense of identity, which is crucial for self-esteem and self-worth. As many of you who have attended our conferences or workshops over the years, you will know that we emphasise the importance of positive self-identity (and in transracial families, we want the child who is of a different race to have positive racial identity) and so this takes conscious thought and deliberate action. We need to be intentional of the spaces we create for our children and ensure that they see themselves in those spaces.

Heritage forms a substantial part of a person’s cultural identity. It provides a framework for understanding cultural practices, values, and traditions. Embracing one’s heritage can help a child feel more connected to their cultural community.

Knowing where one comes from helps in forming a more resilient sense of self. It provides a reference point when faced with questions about identity, helping children navigate these challenges more confidently.

Understanding one’s roots enables a child to appreciate the struggles and triumphs of their ancestors. This knowledge can inspire and motivate them as they grow, fostering a sense of pride in their heritage. I know this is true for me, knowing what my family had to endure during apartheid made me understand some of their childhood traumas and how this has affected their relationships and interpersonal skills. This then

Practical Tips for Encouraging Connection to Heritage

So how do we encourage connection to our children’s heritage and roots. Encourage storytelling within the family. Share anecdotes, tales of ancestors, and family history. This helps children understand their roots and the experiences of those who came before them.

Embrace cultural holidays, festivals, and traditions. Participating in cultural events and rituals can be a powerful way for children to connect with their heritage. Be curious together. Don’t just let your child do all the work but do it together connect over learning and celebrate the differences within your families too.

If applicable, encourage the child to learn the language associated with their heritage, but do this together if you do not know the language either. When you only let your child learn the language this can ostracize the child making the child feel left out. Language is a significant part of cultural identity and can open doors to deeper connections.

Food is often a gateway to heritage. Cook traditional dishes together and explain their significance. This can be a fun and delicious way to explore one’s roots. If you have adopted or fostered children ask them do you think their first family likes the food, bring back to their stories and have a fun open way of talking about the fullness of who they are which includes their first starting points in their lives. If you have older children in your care who might remember some of their family food, ask them and try and make it together- it’s a great way of honouring those memories too.

If possible, visit historical or cultural sites related to the child’s heritage. This hands-on experience can make history come alive and create lasting memories. In South Africa we are blessed to have so many of these sites- understanding our history. The Slave Museum, Robben Island, Voortrekker Monument, and the District Six Museum in Cape Town are just a few.

Explore literature, books, and films that reflect the child’s heritage. This can be an engaging way to learn about history, customs, and values. Arise has a whole collection of books and resources. Go look at our resource list to get started. As the adults in children’s lives, it is important to create an environment where the child feels comfortable asking questions about their heritage. Be open and patient when discussing topics related to identity.

Help the child create a heritage scrapbook or digital archive. This can include family trees, photographs, and mementos that celebrate their cultural background. Don’t know where to start I would highgly recommend you in doing our Life Story Course online, you can do this at your own time and space as well as practical skills and tools to get started.

Most importantly, be supportive if and when the child expresses interest in exploring different aspects of their identity. Encourage them to learn about and embrace their heritage at their own pace.

Heritage and roots are the foundation upon which a child’s identity is built. For children who are not being raised by their biological families, connecting with their heritage becomes even more critical. By nurturing this connection through storytelling, cultural celebrations, language, and community involvement, caregivers can empower children to embrace their heritage and form a strong and resilient sense of self. In doing so, we can help these children navigate the complex journey of identity formation with confidence and pride.

Have questions please email us at info@arisefamily.org

Written by Danielle Moosajie (Director)

As we are ending Women’s Month and we look at the role of women in this country as well as ensuring that women have equal rights and opportunities- it is essential that we include everyone in this conversation. This month, I was invited into the corporate sector to give my views on the challenges one faces as a woman leader. As I was speaking, I realise that we can’t just be talking to women but that in the journey towards achieving gender equality and eradicating gender-based violence, it’s essential to remember that the fight isn’t just for one gender—it’s for everyone. While the focus on women’s rights and empowerment is crucial, we must also acknowledge the importance of including boys and addressing the challenges they face in this equation. By ensuring that our efforts encompass the wellbeing of all genders, we can build a more just and equitable society for everyone.

When we look at gender-based violence in this country, we need ask ourselves why violence is so prevalent, why is it one of our biggest issues and why are men who are the perpetrators of such crime usually extremely violent towards their victims? The scary thing is we are seeing this in our groups in schools, we are seeing boys as young as 7 stabbing each other in the head with pencils, we are seeing the celebration of violence towards each other and now seeing more girls join gangs and acting out in violence than ever before. We see that by excluding boys from the conversation surrounding gender-based violence, we miss an opportunity to address the root causes that affect everyone. Inclusive advocacy acknowledges the complex interplay of societal norms, toxic masculinity, and traditional gender roles that contribute to violence.

But it isn’t just with gender-based violence it has to do with leadership roles as well. I have often struggled as a woman in leadership particularly for men to take me seriously in what I have to say or present not only in the NGO sector but corporate sector too. I would end up in tears wondering what it is wrong with me? And often the advice I got from other females in the field is that I have to think like a man and act like a man. This got me thinking over the years, what if we just taught both genders how to treat each other equally? By dismantling gender stereotypes and providing equal opportunities for all, we can pave the way for a brighter future marked by inclusive, effective, and empathetic leadership.

The reality is that society often assigns rigid gender roles that can limit both girls and boys. While girls have historically been affected by discriminatory norms, boys too face their own set of challenges. Boys are often told to suppress their emotions, to “be a man” and not show vulnerability. These expectations can lead to toxic masculinity, negatively impacting their mental health and overall wellbeing. In advocating for gender equality, we need to encourage boys to embrace their emotions and recognize that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

We have seen this time and time again in our psychosocial programmes particularly our “Man in the Mirror Programme” (a group for teen boys becoming the man they want to be). It is here, that they start challenging the norms that society (including families and communities) have put onto them and start reflecting on who they want to be and what they mean in terms of their behaviour. For example, if they want to be men of integrity how do they show it to others, if they want to be a good father what does that mean, if they want to be men of honesty what does that look like day-to-day?

Majority of the children we work with do not have positive male role model in their lives and it is essential for all children that when they witness men who exhibit kindness, integrity, and resilience, they learn to develop healthy self-esteem and recognize the value of these qualities in themselves. Whether fathers, uncles, grandfathers, teachers, mentors, or community figures, these role models contribute to the holistic development of children, nurturing their emotional, intellectual, and social growth in unique ways. Positive male role models provide children, especially boys, with a framework for building their identity. These role models exhibit traits and behaviours that children can aspire to emulate, fostering a strong sense of self.

But also, for young girls to see men, hold up women as equals in the workplace, to respect them in the home, to be heard, validated and take a women’s roles into account builds self-worth and role-models what it looks like for men and women to work together and not against each other. It is important to note that as adults in the world, we role model constantly to all children what to expect from each other. By positive male role models nurturing young girls’ ambitions, these role models help break down societal barriers and norms that historically restricted women’s involvement in leadership roles. Their support validates girls’ potential and sends a powerful message: that everyone, regardless of gender, deserves an equal chance to lead.

To truly achieve gender equality, we must enlist boys as allies in the fight against gender-based violence. By educating boys about consent, respect, and healthy relationships, we equip them to challenge harmful behaviours and attitudes. Teaching boys to be allies empowers them to recognize injustice and contribute to creating a society where everyone can live free from violence and discrimination.

Incorporating discussions about gender equality and gender-based violence into educational curricula is vital. By raising awareness from a young age, we can help boys understand the importance of treating all individuals with respect, regardless of gender. These discussions can also provide boys with the tools they need to navigate complex social situations and be advocates for change.

Gender-based violence affects individuals of all genders. Male survivors often face unique challenges, including societal disbelief and stigma. Supporting male survivors means acknowledging their experiences, providing safe spaces for them to share their stories, and ensuring that they have access to resources for healing and recovery.

Gender equality and women’s rights is a collective goal that benefits everyone. To create a society free from gender-based violence and discrimination, we must remember that the fight extends to boys as well. By challenging harmful stereotypes, providing education, and fostering a culture of respect and empathy, we can create an environment where all individuals, regardless of gender, can thrive and contribute positively to society. In our pursuit of gender equality, let’s ensure that we uplift and empower boys to be part of the solution alongside girls, building a brighter future for everyone.

Written by Danielle Moosajie (Director)

To find out more about our programmes email training@arisefamily.org

In South Africa, July is synonymous with winter and Mandela Day. Every year, different campaigns are launched with the 67 minutes themes and opportunities. 67 minutes to honor the years of struggle against apartheid.

As South Africans who were witness to the change in democracy, this day can evoke memories but also provoke discussion and thought, as well as action.  What does it look like in 2023 to reflect on a just and equitable South Africa for all? What does it mean for people who are living in highly vulnerable circumstances in 2023?

There is constant debate around where we are as a nation in 2023, this can leave one feeling overwhelmed with the state of the nation and what to do for those we see or know in desperate need of clothing, shelter, food and so much more. So days like Mandela Day afford opportunities to reflect on both the need as well as what is needed so that things can change. The call to lessen vulnerability with practical hope, rather than hope as a philosophical ideal is needed.

Practically what could this look like?  

It means identifying real needs within community spaces – whether children’s homes or geographical areas that need to be responded to.  Real needs identified by the people themselves rather than what we see in comparison or feel as people looking in might be helpful. Development research repeatedly points to the fact that people know what they need but the power dynamics between those who have more in terms of resources (including money) vs those who need the resources make it hard to formalize or articulate these needs.

It means seeing the holistic impact of the giving we do and being honest about who it is for.  Even as a social worker – I appreciate the impact of the work we do, can weep when things don’t work but recognize that it is not altruistic- rather that I see and experience value in the work we do. I get something out of this – it makes me feel good to see people not need us – the unspoken role of social workers:  to work oneself out of a job.

Practically, it means reflecting on the way in which the story of giving is told.  Are people’s vulnerabilities and raw need shown up so that the gifts being given evoke a response – or is the story being told of a dynamic such as hunger that has a response for that moment or day being seen.  This isn’t to detract from the giving – rather to ask the question of how is this giving put into a context which can be empowering to the recipients? Not just for short-term relief but as a part of something bigger.

The how we tell a story includes the visual imagery too – the photos or videos.  As the director of Arise, Danielle Moosajie, often challenges us in meetings and strategic conversations:  Would you want people to see you in your vulnerability?  Where you have no control over what is understood or received in communication about us?  This can feel like a challenge when photographic evidence is understood to be a part of accountability towards donors  and yet what a beautiful opportunity exists to rethink how we are held accountable. An opportunity for a more dignified and positive strengths based partnership rather than highlighting people at their most vulnerable.

An example of this could be telling a story of how contributing snack packs formed part of a group process aimed at strengthening families who live in areas of food insecurity due to poverty.  It makes the poverty the challenge and not the people.  It reflects work being done in the space which is proactive rather than only identifying the broken or challenging family relationships.  It changes and empowers the recipients of the giving as active participants in their lives rather than requiring them to be rescued by others.

The reality is that giving (in all forms), financial donors and partnerships are necessary in reducing the gaps between different spaces.  In giving, opportunities exist for both parties, giver and recipient to both receive and give. Giving provides an opportunity for each person to press into a different aspect of their own humanity or to remember:

Umuntu ngumuntu  ngabantu – we are people through other people.

When we hold onto this, it changes how we give and see the recipients of our gifts as well as how the dynamic of dignified giving can change not only circumstances, but allows for us to invest in a bigger story too.

The story of helping is to see each other’s humanity as we seek to see a more just and equitable South Africa.

Written by Alexa Russell Matthews

A grandmother came to our family support group regularly.  She was struggling, raising two grandchildren on only her pension and with limited support from the rest of the family.  They were her blood, but the generation gap only seemed to get bigger as they grew and she was struggling with her grandchildren’s ongoing disrespect and bad attitude.

It was with this message that Sara and her grandmother came into our counselling room for an intake regarding taking part in our group called Worthy.  Worthy is a group for teen girls and their caregivers that aims to build their relationship and attachment with each other, while helping the teen girls build their self-esteem.  It’s a group we’ve seen run successfully with many families and we hoped to see a turnaround for Sara and her grandmother too.

But Sara refused to participate if her gran was there.  That is how bad their relationship had become.  Sara said her grandmother didn’t understand her, and too many stupid rules and had a problem with everything she did. She did not want to be in the same room as her grandmother, let alone work on relationship building activities.  I spent some time with Sara one on one and could see how hurt she was.  Things weren’t just hard at home.  She was on the verge of being kicked out of school too.  Her attitude to authority was getting into trouble.  She was defiant and oppositional and falling very behind in her school work.  Everyone in her world seemed to be giving up on Sara and while she was trying to portray a flippant, no care attitude, inside she was hurt and scared and struggling.

Together, we decided to try a slightly different strategy.  Sara agreed to attend our Fierce group at her school and to family meeting between her and her grandmother so that we could work on developing a number of rules, routines and ways of talking to each other that were more respectful.  I hoped this strategy would work and get u to a point where these two could work together instead of against each other.  We drew up a list of goals, agreed on some words and phrases and actions that both agreed not to use with each other and a message box they could use to communicate with each other.  We also agreed that Sara and her grandmother would meet with me every 2 weeks and we would see how things went.

And so we met, a few times a month, working on communicating with respect, appropriate rules and boundaries, ways to grow the relationship and deepen connection and ways for this grandmother to give her grandchildren some of the freedoms they craved.  The power of hearing not just the negative, but remarks about her positive contributions to the family really helped Sara put down her defences and open up.  Perhaps for the first time, Sara felt seen – and that is a powerful thing in a relationship.  

I could see Sara start to believe in herself, as those around her showed her they believed in her too.  She started to apply the goals we focus on in our Fierce programme, growing her self-confidence, practicing healthy self-talk, overcoming peer-pressure, being a role model for others and living by her own values with a sense of integrity.  And she very slowly began to take the first steps to thriving. She started doing her school work, handing it in and staying in class.  She started saying no to those who sort to influence her to miss school.  She started being home on time and was less rude to her grandmother.  Her teachers noticed this and soon she was no longer being threatened with expulsion.

This family started doing so well that our family meetings became less frequent as they got involved more with those outside of their immediate family.  And soon we stopped seeing them all together. A few months later, I phoned to check in and see how the family was doing and schedule a follow-up.  Sara’s grandmother had nothing but praise for her granddaughter and the young lady she had become.  She said that Sara was at a school meeting and wasn’t home, but promised to get her to phone me back.  And she did!  Sara phoned back to say she couldn’t come to my scheduled follow up as she was going to be away on camp.  She had been elected to be part of the school leadership team (SRC) and was excited about what this meant for her as she entered her final year of school.  Sara was making plans to study after she finished matric and had set up what she needed to apply for bursaries and funding, with the help of her extended family.  I hung up the phone smiling and bursting to tell my colleagues about Sara’s success, with her permission of course!  

This is the power of the work we do – relationships are healed, a sense of belonging and attachment is fostered, people find their true sense of self and even in adverse circumstances they flourish.  This too is the power of groups.  To help others see they are not alone and to learn the skills they need to move forward on their own terms.  This is why Arise will continue to grow and develop our services and programmes in partnership with others so that even more families can thrive.  Because by supporting families you can change the community around them!